Airplane Situation

I have never been a drinker ON airplanes. As life would gift me, most of my travels have been on LONG, LONG plane rides where I was hyper-warned and freaked out enough about staying hydrated that I have never been a plane drinker. Perhaps it was also because I love to help people…it’s my love language. And if the plane goes down…at least I want to help people as we crash. Africa, Switzerland, Brazil, Haiti…downing the agua while cruising at a comfortable, for everyone else, bazillion feet in the air…BAZILLION feet in the air. In case you didn’t miss that small detail. Which brings me to my next statement. I have, in recent years, been a for absolute positive pre-board wine guzzler and post-board wine guzzler. Guzzler equating roughly one glass pre and several glass post. I am not the MOST comfortable cruising at said bazillion feet in the air. People?! Metal flying birds…super heavy on their own, adding people and all that luggage, over OPEN water in the dark? What are we thinking? I’m bordering on a massive panic currently as I type.

The wine would calm me down beforehand. As I would chug water in air to hydrate, most assuredly sending me to -tap tap- my neighbor and say, “pardon me” and off to use the un-nerving airplane bathroom that makes my heart literally stop for at least a second when I flush. Not sure I even breathe while I’m in there. Then, upon decent, gleeful after the bump bump of some better than other landings…I would find vino and chug a lug as a “I survived…thank the Lord!”

I have an airplane situation approaching rapidly. The situation is:

• I’m sober
• Departing on 9/11
• In forecasted thunderstorms
• Returning on Friday, the 13th
• In forecasted rain
• I’m sober
• I’m
• sober

It’s not lost on me that people do this every single day. People fly. It’s what we do. People even fly in thunderstorms and live to tell the story. But I know what thunderstorms mean…it means bumpy. And when my car goes over bumps, and I AM driving…I can SEE why it’s bumpy and know that it’s okay. When you’re flying at 5 bazillion miles per hour, bazillions of feet in the AIR, and the hunk of metal you’re inside, and NOT in control of, bumps repeatedly and you can’t SEE why it’s bumpy…my heart stops. And thunderstorms mean lots of bumps. Lots of heart stops. Add in 9/11 and remembering the horror of horrors, throw in a little freaky Friday 13th and…we might all see the situation at hand. I won’t be numb from pre-board guzzle. I won’t be looking forward to post-landing guzzle. I will just. Be. I have two choices. One…to just drink. Drink that wine before and after that will numb me and relax me…but will leave me feeling more anxious later on, and leave me dehydrated and headachy. Or two…practice mindfulness. The airplane I will board, no doubt has been through a litany of checks and prods and inspections. The people flying my plane will have earned that right and therefore will be prepared, trained and clear-headed to do so. The tower peeps, watching all things in air and on ground will be able to see and know what bumps are coming and with those crazy little radios…will be able to let the pilot know where to go and how to fly if need be. And, I have this massive belief in a God who knows all and sees all and doesn’t walk in fear but runs with hope. So, no matter what…I’m golden.

So I suppose I will “treat” myself to an herbal tea in the airport pre-board. I will people watch…not creepily but observingly. I will read my book, or knit and listen to my book, or watch a funny movie on board while drinking water. I won’t arrive till super late, so I will most likely sleep like a baby where my head rests even later that evening. I will wake up clear-headed and alert and with joy the next morning. And I will do this all again on the return journey. Or…I will die and my friends will need to call the boot maker in town who is covering my Bible currently and find all the scriptures marked by Ebenezer stones in the margins to read at my funeral, make sure my husband Chris has food and water and love on my five kids enormously.